I always wished it was a blessing, but, really, it’s not, well, not entirely. Sure it has me constantly want to be good at things, to want to strive to be the best, but in reality it often has me paralysed to act. Perfectionism is that elusive thing… to be perfect is impossible. And each of our ideas about what it is to be perfect are so different anyway.
I remember my daughter’s pre-school teacher tell me that she wasn’t really giving things a go at school because she hated not getting it perfect! Her advice to me was to demonstrate doing something, and it not being perfect, and that being ok. Just to do your best, whatever the result. Hmm!!! I want to be a good example for my girls – an inspiration. And it really doesn’t matter what I do, but rather who I be about it. That means I could DO anything. It could mean going back to full time office work, it could mean being a full time stay at home mum, or it could mean following a dream – my photography dream. What matters is that I live my life passionately without regrets and without compromise. This is the gift I want to give to my girls.
I love taking photographs – I always have. I love taking photos of my family and friends and seeing their smile – the smile that brings back that moment. The smile when someone sees a fabulous image of their kids, being themselves. The smile when someone loves how they look. The smile of gratitude that finally they have this beautiful image of their whole family, or just their kids, or just them, or them and hubby. I love that feeling that I have created something that means so much, that might not otherwise be recorded.
But despite how much I love it, the self criticism has often had me stopped. That little voice that says, yeah, ok, but … And the buts are big.
I can do better
Other people are better
I need more equipment
I need a better logo (any logo)
I need to know more!!!!
So, I don’t go for it and I don’t put myself out there and I don’t try. So I don’t risk anything. And I feel frustrated. And keep talking a good game without acting!
But, I’m bored, of myself! So, i say to myself, “do what you love, just start.” You can’t please everyone, you only need to please yourself and have the respect and support of those that matter to you. A US wedding photographer I admire, Jasmine Star, talks about the importance of being herself, and that that will either attract or repel people, and that’s just fine – perfect in fact.
And in the words of the guru Dr Seuss, “Be what you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
So, I start my blog, finally. With things not quite ready, with more to do, with ideas in my head, but with a passion for this to be a vehicle to make my dreams come true. Don’t let your fears stop you for too long. Life can be a blank canvas and the sky is a perfect sun kissed blue today. And that makes me laugh, because I procrastinated (this post wasn’t quite right) and it’s cloudy today!